#TBT “Wii the Return (Part 2)”

So last week, we got to not only receive the exposition of my dad’s youthful years with video games, but we also learned that he steals my writing style. And that he types horribly. If you didn’t read #TBT “Wii Man… Part 1” , make sure you do it now. This post will make at least 64% more sense after reading that.

So, where will we be going on this post? I can already promise you it’s going to be 100000% more awesome and interesting. Why? Because it involves yours truly! This segment is going to deal with how DadKro reconciled his relative inexperience (and lack of enthusiasm) towards games while having a son who was absolutely enthralled by them. Here’s a reminder from Part 1 about some of the details of the “Wii Saga.”

“This post was created on April 25th, 2007. The Nintendo Wii was brand new and had finally come out of the crazed holiday rush where literally NO ONE could find one. So remember that if it seems very dated, it’s because it’s over a decade old. All the main writing from here on out will be from DadKro’s hunt and peck fingers (seriously, I hate watching him type). All pictures and captions are added by me.”

So refill that popcorn. Let’s continue and enjoy… DadKro’s “Wii Saga,” Part 2… “Wii The Return.”

If you think this is the Tardis, I’m going to kick your ass.

 

 

This is the second and hopefully (for you) final part of my treatise on video games. If you are confused at this point, please don’t expect this to get any easier. I actually KNEW something about the stuff I wrote about in Part I. I can almost sense the feeling of horror running through you right now as you wonder how this part could possibly contain less relevant information than the first one and why your life is so void of meaningful interaction that you actually looked forward to this. Believe me, I am sympathetic to your plight and suggest that you go to a trained therapist at least 3 times a week (even though it won’t help) and tell your friend(s) to read this crap. Because even if your life is pathetic (and believe me it is), imagine a person whose self-worth is tied up the amount of views his blog gets. That person is the real victim in this cruel play we call life.

DadKro just dunked on my blog from 11 years in the past.

 

The 90’s (continued)

I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA I WANNA

 

In the late 90’s video games are all but forgotten to me. Of course I do play the occasional game here or there but certainly nothing to report about in a hard edged news column like this and since at that time I had enough quarters to fill my own ashtray, it just doesn’t seem significant.

Then it happens…. I am forced to make a decision about whether or not to buy a video game for my son. At first, I am steadfast against it. I use all of the great lines that parents have used throughout the millennia. All of which go something like this: “When I was a kid we didn’t need [insert piece of technology here]. We played outside and found our own things to do! Boy those were the good old days” This is certainly a classic and I can imagine parents of every century using it… Just insert anything there: T.V., Radio, Rock em Sock em Robots, Board Games, Antibiotics, Fire, etc. and you’ll have a well-reasoned argument not to buy anything.

This generation is so soft with their need to be “healthy” all the time.

Unfortunately, throughout the centuries the parents always give in and then complain to other parents about their “spoiled” kids. I now know why that happens or at least why it happened to me. An irresistible force known as “grandparents” comes into the picture. Yes.. these same people that once bought me a mechanical version of the game “Pong” (yes, there was a mechanical version and yes, it was cheap and pathetic and yes, it scarred me for life and no, I don’t want to talk about it anymore)…

I am 100% guessing on this, but it lines up. If I’m right… Damn this thing sucks.

…when I was young now wanted to buy my son a brand spanking new Nintendo 64 video game.

This is a legitimate picture of my N64, the same one mentioned in this post. Notice how dirty it is because I am dirty and lazy.

I thought about it for a while and decided to do the manly thing in this tough situation. I made my wife decide. After all she was the one who really wanted the kid anyway. My job since his birth has been to keep him alive long enough while he’s with me to return him to his mother so she can attempt to fix whatever mental and physical harm I had undoubtedly caused him (for the record he is still alive).

Update: Still alive 11 years after the post.

So she of course decided to allow that purchase (or I wouldn’t have a story now, would I) and he being all of six years old at the time took to it like a killer whale who just passed a herd of bleeding defenseless baby seals. Except of course he was a little more intense about it. After only three weeks, he knew how to play the games he already had and demanded more.

1998: Little Jerry playing N64 (Colorized)

 

2000 and Beyond:

SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE IT SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE IT SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE IT

 

Things get hazy in the early 21st century. My unbelievably fortunate kid has three sets of grandparents ready to cater to his every whim and now they know of his video game jones. Do they use it in a reward system to make him a more caring and well-balanced person? Of course not… they use it to show him what a schmuck his hopefully adoptive father is because he won’t buy everything the second it comes out. Here is a short list of systems he’s had over the last few years….. Nintendo 64, Sony Playstation, Nintendo Gameboy, Nintendo Gamecube, Sony Playstation 2, Gameboy Advanced, Okama Game Sphere…

An underrated classic. Featuring many hits such as “Chinpokomon” and that’s it.

…Sony PS1 portable, Playstation Portable, Nintendo DS, and some Tomagachi nonsense that was an egg or something that you had to shake and feed for some reason (the guy who invented the pet rock even laughs at this one).

I’m almost 100% it was this. It was Digimon and eventually they’d evolve or fight with enough “steps” (Read as: SHAKES)

There are dozens of games for each of these (except the pet rock thing) with one thing in common…….. I suck at them!!! I don’t understand them. I don’t relate to them. Hell, I don’t even speak the same language as them. I wouldn’t know an eyetoy from an analog joystick (insert dirty joke here you pervert) from a wireless fan cooled turbo digit z button controller. Whatever happened to Astro Blaster (not that I’m bitter about it’s demise) and the other simple games? You shoot at a vaguely spaceship looking object and it nonsensically fires back in random directions. Yes indeed those were the good old days. When quarters were king and I had a future. Now a quarter is a state collectible and let’s just say that I don’t need shades to see my future.

My mother and I actually fell for this scam.

Unfortunately (for you) I’ve rambled on so much that I must continue this article later. Please return later to read a certainly much better prepared and insightful part of this manifesto. But please don’t forget the therapist visits, they just might help.

 

There you have it. That was Part 2 of DadKro’s “Wii Saga.” We learned a lot about how my dad is indecisive and let my mom do everything, how much of a spoiled brat I was, and most importantly, him predicting my need for therapy 11 years beforehand. Oh the times when I was a happy kid instead of an anxious “adult”….

My next post should be coming out this Saturday. I’ll be taking a comedic anime series that is based around the idea of social anxiety and see just how they treat social anxiety. Is it funny? Is it spiteful? I’ll also discuss my (extremely current) experiences with anxiety and how it relates to the anime at hand.

Thanks again for reading everyone! I’d really appreciate it if you took the time to post a comment or tell your friends about this blog. I’ve been enjoying the start of this, so I really want to share my work with others. A follow of any sort would be appreciated, either through e-mail or WordPress itself! Not required at all, but just letting you know my appreciation. As always, feel free to use the Contact link to ask any questions, voice concerns, or send any recommendations my way. If you’re interested in reading my last (serious) post about how a corny action movie made me think about the future, check out Demolition Man: How Will the Future Remember Us?

~Jer

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